"It must be the feeling of touch...we feel the need so badly that we just Crash into each other..."

Gift for the Darkness:

"You knew I was close to you! Close! Close! That's why no go? That's why things are the way they are?!...You are not wanted here...We'll do you in...see? All of us. See?"

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Enough of my lecturing...there is no way you can know what I mean. But it is for me only. Anyways, even I'm quiet frustrated and sick of it...

I have been missing her soo terribly. I feel so sad that I can't even hug her when I want. It's almost kiddish. I guess it's a part of love. I don't feel like doing anything because I feel I am soo incapable of anything...I can't even handle a relationship.


There are things in life no one can help. It's best to not think about them. Or they creep into you deeply and they almost capture you. And then once you are in the pit it's like a Black Hole for a while...Till it simply evapourates leaving you wondering when the next one will suck you in.

My friend David was here from Australia on the 3rd morning. I showed him all over Bandra. But since my exams are coming up, he's living with another boy whome we know. He'll be in India till the 11th. Then he is going to Europe for one year to work in Britain.

My parents are also here. They came on the 2nd night. It's so good to have them! But they will be here only till the 6th. My grandmom leaves on the 8th. My brother will be heading of to China for some work on the 16th. It will be fun facing myself alone. My parents come and as soon as they come they have to pack to go back. I don't really mind that anymore. There is also a possibility that I will have to move out of my house in Bandra. It's not mine though, but still. That's they way it always is in a government service. And I'm fine with that too.

I have been paying a lot of attention to the Stock Market lately...The market has gone sort of crazy since the budget. India has grown at a rate of 8.1% last year. Even the taxi drivers have 6610's. That's my India!
It's so interesting and fascinating- The chaotic behaviour of the stock market. So Real and Human and Powerful...The lines of the chart...this is the way people earn money. They just snatch it from the ones who buy and loose. It's simple demand-supply function but yet the big picture is so complicated and chaotic.



Above: An intra-day graph of the huge company ITC. Y Axis is Price and X axis is Time. In 15 Minutes the price jumped from Rs.163 to Rs.175. How many people must have lost soo much money and how many people must have made. Notice the tall green bars which signify the quantity of shares bought. I would like to invest in a company which has such kind of support in the short run...However, i feel like I'v missed this bus or wave or whatever you want to call it. It's raw power in display.
It's funny how even physicists study Stock Markets because of its non-linearity. I am enjoying a lot "directing" my own little investment firm...I really want to know everything about the market and how it works.



I had a nice, long chat with my dad the yesterday, about my career and my future. I had told Natasha that he is my idol. He totally rules my world. He has such big plans for my brother and me. It's amazing how big he can think. I was so much in despair before. But his light it so powerful that it reaches me so strongly, even in the dense fog of uncertainty. And he told me one line in the end,"Baby, You don't know where you are headed..." That line has inspired me soo much that I am going to defy even myself. It brought tears to my eyes. His faith and belief in me moved me so much. He just talks to me for five minutes and detangles my entire life- so simply and elegently. I want to big like him one day. Sooo big. I am not worried about my future anymore. Yesterday has changed me forever. Now, there is simply too much to do and too much to achieve and too much to explore. So I don't feel bad about anything anymore. Anyways, who cares?